darwin would be proud...

so.

you probably think you're a reasonably nice person.

you're pretty patient. sociable, friendly.

you've got normal levels of tolerance.

you can play it easy, you pride yourself on being (again, reasonably) laid back

hell, you might even break out and say that you, you go with the flow.

and now you're in law school.

you discover you're living in a dorm with 33 other girls, all with their own nice little individual, unique and distinctive personalities. they're all dynamic and special in their own way. its the first few days and you're happy to learn that they're all soooo nice. why, everyone likes each other here. its a fucking paradise, where everyone has the same plan. good intentions abound, leap about and bounce off the walls.

we'll revel in the new and wonderful experiences together. we'll smile a lot until our cheeks hurt with the effort. we'll push down the niggling thought at the back of our minds that all we want to do is claw each others eyes out. we'll put on our best faces. eat food off of each others plates. sit in large circles and sing. play truth or dare, get to know each other. share, smile, laugh, repeat.


best of all there's this nice friendly habit of congregating in the hallways and giggling. you know, to show everyone how friendly you are. "hi!" "hey doll! *giggle giggle*" oh wait did you just see that person 5 seconds ago? it doesn't matter. hell, you're such good friends you missed them already. therefore, repeat the friendly greeting process. make them feel like there was nothing more you wanted for this second of your life than to meet them, here, in this dusty, dim hallway. throw in blinding smiles and giggles at regular intervals, especially when you feel the mask slipping. let them know they've fulfilled your dreams. at this moment, you are the happiest person in the world. you started your fun-filled and joyous day by seeing their sweet and charming face.

this is all well and good for a few months. this is the sickly sweetness tolerance and acting capacity of a normal 18 year old girl. some of the players in the nice game have superhuman abilities. watch out for them. if they can go their room alone to recuperate regularily, they maybe able to sustain the moves for many many months, years maybe. a totally different kind of player, they're on another plane. actually, they're pretty scary and intimidating when you think about the effort it all takes. henceforth these people will be the most likely candidates for the source of all your future social problems.

but then comes the realization, you can't cover up the cracks forever. it'll show. somethings gotta give. there are just too many negative, snide, and (at times) murderous thoughts inhabiting the darker corners of your mind, and it is threating to leak out. here's the solution.

pick out your go-to bitching person well in advance. this is the person who should be the most trustworthy, someone you think will keep your deep dark thoughts secret, they are very, very, discreet. somehow this person always turns out to be bitching about you in turn. you are very surprised when you discover this. you deserve better. you'd never have thought it of them. bitching about you behind your back? you thought they were better than that. but thats life. find someone new. keep a diary. either way, get an outlet for your emotions. bad thoughts are socially unacceptable in nice world.

one rule of note to follow when selecting your go-to bitching person. make sure they're not the go-to bitching person for one of the targets of your petty lashing-out. this inevitably leads to problems, basically one mutual friend being very very fed up with both of you. this person will probably tell you to fuck off. at this point it all works out well because then the two of you can get together and bitch about your mutual ex-go-to bitching person. because neither of you really liked her that much anyway.

revel in your new social setting. girl world, nice world. the paradise where everyone always has a smile, just for YOU. they might ccp it to others, but hell its the thought that matters, right?

well, this is nothing like you've ever known. prepare to be pushed..prepare to test the limits of your patience...prepare to stalk and glare meaningfully...explore the bounds of your acting abilities. and when those ideas just fall flat on their face, prepare to scream so that they all stare at you, startled and wondering why in gods name you are having a fit in the middle of the hallway.

at this point in time, when you've finally cracked, about half of them have reached their breaking points too. they let the indifference show without realizing - they shrug, turn away and go back to giggling. some of them who have really lost it might join you in the screaming because they think thats the new cool thing to be doing. thankfully these nutcases are very few. you should pity them.

the other half, well those tricky foxes. they're still maintaining the facade. they'll come over and ask if you are OK. as soon as they have reassurance enough to cover their asses in case the issue of their caring ever comes up, about 98% will turn back and rejoin the giggling ones.

the two percent that remain? hold on to them. even then, a couple of them might turn out to be bad eggs. but the last person standing well, thats truly survival of the fittest.

and you deserve some praise. for going through all that. yeah it was worth it wasn't it?

congratulations, you have weeded out a new best friend.